Lent

I am not religious and I do not believe in religion. Although for the first time ever i may take up this lent thing. Like i said i am not religious and do not know much about why we have lent, though i like the idea of it but i think i may adjust it a little for my sake. Instead of just giving up something why not take up something or focus on something in your life that needs changing and in my case that is being more productive. Like i have said in my previous blog i do need to work on my music more, so i felt that it's about time i just do it. Sometimes the main thing that distracts me from my music is PlayStation or Xbox. I'm not a massive gamer, nor do i want to be but every now and then i do get sucked into a game that takes up to much of my time and always in the back of my mind there is a voice saying "i don't really want to be playing this. I want to do something else. Why am i still playing? STOP PLAYING!" Five hours later i come off it and my whole day is wasted. What was the point in that?

It is true that in this life you just cannot win. For example i work full time so i can live in my own space to work on my music and fund my music. I don't have time to work on my music because I'm either at work or am too tired from work. It's a chicken egg situation. I hate that in this modern society you have to work, if you don't you'll have a tough time and society will make sure of that. Unless you have filthy rich parents and they've paid for you to just live your life without working, but then you’re just damn lucky! I am glad that at least i do a job that's rewarding and i have a sense of fulfilment from it. I feel sorry for these people that do jobs that at the end of the day aren't that important, they're just doing it to look after they're family or to just simply feed themselves, it makes me sad. At the end of the day we don't need society, society needs us. We've built up this concrete machine around us that constantly needs to spin and we're the fuel that makes that happen, and for this it takes our lives. One film i think everyone should watch is "Into the Wild" it’s a true story where this guy just burns his money, goes off and lives his life across America and just lives off the land and from this he is happy.

Everyone should try and realise that there are things that we don't really need, things that take up our time and shut us off from the rest of the world. So for lent maybe just try and give something up and in replace of that do something that will truly make you happy, it could be something you've never tried before. You don't need to be religious for this, all you need is faith.

Laziness and Pondering

I just got in from work and i feel the most productive thing to do right now would be to maybe write a song or work on my music, but i am tired. This is the problem with doing shift work, I’m either doing half seven in the morning till three (early) or half two in the afternoon till ten (late). The problem with doing these strange shifts is that if I’m on an early I’m tired for the rest of the day end up falling asleep in the evening, if I’m on a late then i lay in in the morning, go to work then when i get home I’m going to bed again.

 I have recently moved out of my parents for the third time into a house with a few mates. One of the main reasons for this was to be more productive with my time and work on my music, as i struggled with this when living with the family. The only problem is that I’m just too tired because of work. Lately writing these blogs is the most productive thing I’ve done. I am hoping that from these blogs i will get into more of a habit of writing then maybe that will help when it comes to writing lyrics. I can only hope really. Maybe I’ve just got writers block, whatever that is, or maybe the songs just come to me when they're ready, as if they have their own minds. Free thinking songs, now maybe that could be the future of music!

It's not even that hard for me to work on my music really as it’s only me, a one man band, and its folk music which i wouldn't have thought is the most musically complex genre. I think one of the main aspects of my music is that i need to work on is my singing. I wouldn't say i was a bad singer, just not the most confident. I have friends that have heard me on my own and tell me it’s good, but when i get on stage the nerves just kick in, it’s a real pain in the ass! Speaking of ass i really don't like these British kids that sing in American accents, it gets to me. There was a time in my younger teenage years when i used to do it and i do look back and think how much of a fool i was, luckily i never gigged much when i was in my teens. It just seems like they're trying so hard to be like someone else when there is nothing original about trying to sound/look like someone else. They just need to be themselves and find their own voices, as long as you can sing in tune you can sing. Who says pop punk, emo or whatever it is the kids listen to these days has to all be sung in an American accent, we're British, be proud of your roots and most importantly be proud of who you are, if you can't be yourself then you can't be anyone.

Back to my point though, i need to stop being lazy, i need to get off my arse and do things. Part of me has been thinking about going into education again, very unsure though. In my eyes you don't need to go to uni or college to gain knowledge, I’ve learnt more since i left school than what i did when i was there. Also i see a lot of people going to uni just for the sake of it, like some band wagon. Very few of my friends have gone and are doing well. It seems a lot of people use it as an excuse to get out of home and get that independents a bit earlier. I’m not condemning people that go to uni at all, i do think it’s good that people live their lives and enjoy it and uni is probably one of the best places to do so, i just feel that you don't need to go to university to gain knowledge, with the amount of resources available to us these days, on the web and in books, you could probably become a brain surgeon. Okay you won't be legally aloud to perform brain surgery but you'll have the knowledge to do so, uni only gives you a piece of paper that says you can do these things. Probably the reason i left college when i was studying popular music, i was just getting taught stuff i can learn in a book.

Maybe I’m worrying too much, i am only 21 and I’m still young, i should be pleased i have a full time job and a pretty cool place to live. I guess i just know what i want, i want to play music and i don’t even want much out of that. Just to be appreciated for what i do would be awesome, not worried about trying to become famous. I just hate that laziness gets the best of me most the time. Maybe i should try and invent some clones...

My first blog...

12:53pm. Still in bed, work in hour and a half. Shouldn't of went to bed at 6am. Why do I do these things?
I've been thinking about starting to write some blogs for a few days now, I'm not a writer or anything, I just wanted somewhere to vault my views and situations. Not that I care who reads them, just something to do, possibly a new hobby I could start. "Ciaran's blog" I could post them on my facebook and see what my friends think of it or see how many "likes" I get. One thing that nearly put me off from starting this was the word verification when you sign up to these things. It took me five attempts, probably didn't help that I am slightly hung over, but still, those words were not easy to read.
I think it's funny how right now I'm telling myself i won't be drinking for a long time now, but i know that in a weeks time, maybe less, i will be drinking again. I think the reason i was drinking in the first place was because of where i was, a club called "Totally Wired". It's one of Thanet's (the town i live in) only alternative nightclubs, downstairs indie and alternative dance, upstairs metal. I used to DJ for this club for 2 years, every Friday night in the downstairs room. It is sad to say tho that i was probably one of the last true alternative DJ's, though i think the transcend was happening whilst i was there. I used to play a mix of indie, alternative dance and alot of old school and vintage stuff, but now it just seems to be mainly chart music and R&B, with the odd exceptions. Though when i was DJing i refused to play lady gaga or any mainstream crap. Eventually i left, on goods terms which i am happy about, but i still go there quite often, maybe too often. I am 21 now and it just seems that faces become more and more unfamiliar and i just end up strolling around in a daze not sure where i am going. Even though there a alot more people i don't know, there are still quite alot of people i do know. I feel that one of my problems is that i don't have a close group of friends, i just know loads of people. As i walk around i just get all these different people saying hello to me and then i just get stuck with who to hang out with. I did have one of my bestest and closest friends there last night but unfortunately she was with an old group of her friends which left me out of the picture. All this has made me think, maybe it's time for something new, I'm getting fed up of going to the same place all the time, hearing the same music and walking around in the same confused state i always do. Maybe I'm just more of a pub person now...